A Decade in the Making

“Nearly ten years!” that’s the thought that occurred to me as I was sitting in a meeting last week. Ten years ago, in 2002, four of us (three have since moved from the area) put our heads together and dreamed about what it might be like if we could encourage a more “marriage friendly” culture in our community. We wondered if community leaders in business, education, health care, the faith-community and other venues were aware of the difference healthy marriage made in the lives of children, adults and the community as a whole. We speculated about how relationship education might help couples form and maintain a safe, stable and happy home, thereby improving outcomes for children. We questioned if there were any coordinated efforts in our area to make people aware of existing resources. We decided to have a series of seven focus groups to find out.

Feedback from the Focus Groups

We began by inviting a number of community leaders to the first of what would eventually become seven different focus groups. We presented what we knew at that time about the benefits of healthy marriage. We reviewed statistics for our community. For instance, in 2002 we noted the following data from the Annie E. Casey Foundation Kids Count Report:

• The number of children receiving a free or reduced-price lunch in Greene County schools rose from 28% in 1996 to 33% in 2001.
• The number of children living in poverty stood at 13.6% in 2000.
• The number of children in single parent families rose from 17.4% in 1990 to 23.9% in 2000.

High Hopes

In 2002 we had high hopes of making a difference in our community with regard to these statistics. We knew children who grew up in safe and stable homes with their married parents were much less likely to suffer some of the ills identified by the Kids Count Report. We were aware of emerging research on the positive impact skills-based relationship education could have on helping couples form and maintain happy marriages. We thought some people (e.g., churches) might already be offering classes and we naively thought our primary job would be to get the word out. We had a lot to learn.

Today, ten years later, we’re much wiser and more knowledgeable about what it takes to promote healthy marriages and healthy relationships in our region. For instance, we know how important it is to stress the word “healthy.” Some relationships and some marriages are dangerous. A good outcome for some could be getting out of an unsafe relationship. After teaching relationship skills to more than 8000 teens in 29 counties, we also know that waiting until people marry is too late to help them learn about relationship. We need to talk about what constitutes a healthy relationship before a young person “falls in love.” We are also very aware that the out-of-wedlock birth rate has continued to grow, but not among teen mothers. Today, more babies than ever are born to unmarried couples. Researchers call them “fragile families.” This situation often puts our most vulnerable children at high risk for poverty, abuse and neglect. In some respects, the Kids Count statistics are even more disheartening today.

• In 2009, 43% received free and reduced lunch.
• By 2008 the number of children living in poverty rose to 21.9% in Greene County.
• By 2008, 33.4% were living in single parent families.

Reason to Hope

It takes time to change a culture, but we have reason to hope. It took nearly five years to accomplish, but in 2007, Operation Us began offering workshops for singles and couples focused on helping them learn the skills to communicate well and resolve conflict safely. Thousands of adults participated in relationship education over the last five years. Men who thought they’d never darken the door of a class on marriage or relationships found they actually enjoyed a Hitched & Happy workshop. Singles learned that a healthy relationship was within their reach. Many have reported the surprising difference these workshops made in their lives.

As much as the people we’ve served have learned, we’ve discovered even more. As we move forward into 2012 I’ll be reviewing and updating our findings and conclusions in the last 10 years. Judging by the most recent statistics, we still have a lot of work to do.