The Toilet Tutorial - Part 2

Last week’s “Toilet Tutorial” apparently struck a chord as readership spiked and I received an unusual number of emails and personal contacts regarding the post, in addition to the comments in our Disqus section. Apparently many of you thought there were quite a few similarities between marriage and toilets. I appreciate all the feedback, which helps me to wrap up the tutorial with a few specific strategies for managing rough patches in couple relationship.

1) Does not perform as expected.  Sometimes marriage is disappointing. Our partner does not respond as we had hoped. The result may be frustrating and messy, but it doesn’t mean we need to get rid of the marriage. It may mean that we need to give the relationship a bit more care and treat it with greater tenderness.

2) Appears to be Blocked or Backed Up.  Marriages, like toilets, can get plugged—stagnated—embittered. They may need help in (forgive me) plunging the bad to get a flow of good feelings going again. Just like a toilet may require a plumber; so a marriage may benefit from a therapist. It’s much less costly to repair than to rebuild.

3) Patience helps. Our toilets generally work, but they take more time to recover than newer models. Spouses can be like that as well—slow to move on a particular issue, but given enough time, very capable of making a recovery. Although we might like things to move more quickly, developing patience of our own can be a virtue.

In the early days of our clinic I’m guessing the toilets functioned almost effortlessly. Today they’re a bit more sluggish. In the months to come, we may even be able to refresh their performance with additional time and revenue. In the meantime, we’re going to treat them with tenderness and practice patience. I’m guessing many marriages would benefit from the same kind of treatment.