The Toilet Tutorial

The toilets at the clinic where I work can be a bit challenging at times. They’re in an older portion of our building and the water pressure is not what it could be. When a number of the toilets are flushed in a relatively short time period, the tanks take longer to fill than many commercial grade toilets might, e.g., in a busy airport or hotel. The result is that occasionally, more often than our staff or students might like, we have some “issues” with our toilets. They flush incompletely. They back up more easily than we might like. They fill at a maddeningly slow pace. In short, they’re less than ideal, but we need to live with them for the time being because the “fix” is likely to be very pricey.

Sometimes marriage is like those toilets. It’s less than ideal. On the best days we may see our partner as somewhat persnickety; on the worst he or she is downright difficult. Just when we need things to go smoothly, things back up and spill all over the place. We begin to wonder if we should just chuck the whole thing. Call the plumber. Rip out the porcelain fixtures. Get it over with. Maybe even buy a new house with much better bathroom fixtures—ones that rarely disappoint—at least form what we’ve heard.

The problem with this fix is that our finicky toilet may be located in a house filled with memories on a pleasant street in a great neighborhood. It might be hard to find a house as nice, even if the toilet is a pain from time to time. Besides the kids love their school and their teachers. Is freedom from tyranny of the toilet really worth the cost of moving?

And then there’s the cost . . . new toilets cost money, as do better bathrooms and new neighborhoods. What if the cost, both financially and emotionally, is just more than we can handle? Is it really worth it to move on up to a new toilet?

Supposing you’d just be happy with a remodel, but you’re not sure that’s a possibility at the moment. Not enough time. Not enough money. Not enough energy and other things must take priority. Are there no other options than to plunge and pout?

Orientation and Privy Pointers

These are just some of the questions I pondered as I prepared to orient 50+ new students to our teaching clinic this past week. I knew they would expect our toilets to flush with commercial-grade force and I knew they would be disappointed. I also knew that an expensive fix was probably not in the works for some time. What options did I have? How could I help them adapt to a sometimes inconvenient, but manageable situation?

As I considered what I would share with the students and staff, it struck me that my “privy pointers” would bear some similarity to what I also say to people about marriage. Perhaps the comparison is a bit far-fetched, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that modern toilets can teach us a great deal about healthy marriage.  For starters, even when flush toilets don’t work exactly as expected, I wouldn’t want to do without them. I recall that one of my grandmothers had a “path” to the outhouse, as opposed to a bath for a number of years during my early childhood. Even a slow toilet is better than one outdoors.

Next week I’ll talk more about managing a cantankerous commode … or a difficult partner. There are many similarities, but you’ll need to wait until then to learn more.