Is Marriage Going out of Style?

This past week I was contacted by a local TV News affiliate regarding the most recent Pew study indicating that only 51% of our current population is married. They wondered, “Does this mean that marriage is going out of vogue? Is it an old-fashioned idea that has lost its relevance?” While it’s certainly a good idea to consider why the percentage of married Americans has declined from 72% of the population 50 years ago to 51% today, it’s also a bit dramatic to make a sweeping generalization about the future of marriage. I’d like to take a few minutes here to comment on some likely contributors to this recent trend and offer some additional thoughts about healthy marriage.

Delayed Age of Marriage:  Forty or 50 years ago it was not at all uncommon for couples to wed in their very early 20s. Many women married straight out of high school and men after a year or two of military service or job training. Those who were college-educated often married soon after graduation. Even getting married during college was not uncommon. In contrast, today the average age of marriage for women is 26 and 28 for men. When we consider the most recent statistics, it’s presumptuous to say that all those over the age of 18 who are currently unmarried will not marry at some point in the future. It’s simply too early to say.

Economy: Many couples today are delaying marriage because of the economy. One or both may still be living at home with their parents. One or both might be hoping to have a job or to be more economically stable. Some may be concerned about the expense of a wedding while still focused on paying off college loans and beginning a career. In short, in addition to the trend to delay marriage until one’s late 20s or early 30s, another factor is very likely to be the current economic environment.

Living Together More Acceptable:  It’s important to note that just because the number of married Americans is going down, intimate partner relationships are not necessarily less popular. Another key difference in relationships today as compared to those 50 years ago is that many couples are choosing to live together before marrying—some figures indicate that as many as 60-70%. Couples choose cohabitation for a number of reasons, including the desire to “test drive” their relationships before making a formal commitment with the hope of avoiding divorce. Even though there is little to no evidence suggesting cohabitation works as a divorce preventative (and considerable evidence to the contrary), many couples continue to make this choice. It follows, then, that if living together is a step toward marriage, it’s not that marriage is irrelevant, but rather that an extra step has been introduced in the ultimate route to the altar.

Extended Life Span:  Finally, we have to consider that Americans, as a whole, are living longer than they did 50 years ago. This increases the likelihood of one partner surviving without the other. A widow or widower could hardly be considered as opposed to marriage, even though he or she may currently be living alone.

Married Americans Happier

At the same time the Pew survey results were released, I also read the results of a survey by Gallup Polls about what makes people happy. It turns out that the happiest Americans are married and have a combined household income of $75,000. While $75,000 might be a decent salary for one person, this survey really targeted two-income homes where both persons worked to achieve this goal. And even though $75,000 will get you a lot less in a large eastern city than it might in small-town USA, the $7.5 K mark appeared to be the level couples needed to achieve to be happy. In fact, the researchers concluded that considerably less than $75,000 might be required for couples residing in smaller cities with a lower cost of living.

Perhaps the emphasis should be placed not on the number of Americans currently unmarried, but rather on the benefits of forming and maintaining a healthy relationship. Perhaps a better question might be, “How many Americans will marry at some point in their lives?” The answer to that question is predicted to be well over 80%. If this is true, then we need to give more thought to how to highlight the benefits of a good marriage and how to make it last.