Is Quitting an Option?

Not long after we were married, I quit a job I disliked. I was working as a waitress for a few months while my new husband finished up the college coursework that would enable him to begin student teaching. Given that his student teaching experience would move us across the country, it was not possible for me to continue my college studies at that time. I would have to wait until we were settled in a new location to continue to pursue my degree. We needed the money, so I took the waitress job, but I wasn’t particularly happy. Being a waitress did not fit with who I saw myself or who I wanted to be. I missed being in school with my classmates. I was bored and tired of being on my feet all day, so when I came down with a nasty cold and didn’t feel like going to work, I decided to quit. Worse than that, I talked my new husband into calling the restaurant owners and telling them I was quitting. Looking back, I can only recall that moment with considerable embarrassment. I like to think of myself as a woman of persistence, but in that situation I definitely gave up way too soon.

I’ve been reading a book lately about resilience and it has caused me to think a great deal about how, why, and when we tend to give up on things. What causes someone to give up on a friendship? To walk away from a marriage? To relinquish a job? To turn away from a family member? To give up on an important cause or project? Is it fatigue or boredom, or a lack of tenacity and perseverance? How do we feel when we quit? What contributes to staying power? Are some people more likely to quit than others? How do we develop our ability to stay the course and endure in the face of obstacles and barriers?

Giving Up or Hanging On?

Knowing when to let go and move on is important, but far too often we tend to give up when we should be hanging on. In A Resilient Life, Gordon MacDonald talks about a time when he wanted to give up on the cross-country team. He was a good runner, but thought that he would prefer to spend less time practicing and more time socializing with his friends—not an uncommon thought for many seniors. He wrote a long letter to his coach explaining all his reasons for resigning from the team and received a response that impacted the course of his life for decades. In part, it went as follows:

There’s a lot of discouragement going around these days. The economy has most certainly played a role, but perhaps we sometimes feels like giving up because life just seems a lot harder than we imagined. Being married is harder than we thought. Work is less rewarding than we imagined. Others don’t appreciate us, or our efforts, as much as we hoped. The change we’ve hoped and prayed for just hasn’t happened. The difficult people in our lives remain difficult. It’s very tempting to give up, give in and/or walk away—if not literally, then at least figuratively in terms of how we invest our mental and emotional energy.

Ask Yourself These Questions

If you find yourself thinking this way more often than not these days, I’d like to encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

1) Who will I disappoint with this choice?
2) Who is depending on me to persevere?
3) How will a choice to quit in this situation make it easier for me to quit others?

After a day or two to think about the choice I’d made to quit my job, I called my former boss and apologized. I explained that I was wrong. I acknowledged that having my husband call was inappropriate. I asked to come back. He wasn’t happy, but he took me back. The job never got any more exciting. I still had to do all the things I didn’t like doing. I still missed being in college, but I stayed with the job while we lived there. It helped reinforce for me how I wanted to think about myself. If you’re thinking about quitting something right now, ask yourself, “How will I feel about myself five years from now if I make this choice now?”