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I never planned to be a stay-at-home dad. It just happened.
When we first found out we were expectant parents, it came as a shock. It was about five years early. I was supposed to finish grad school first. We were supposed to settle down and buy a house first. We were supposed to travel Europe first.
Except, in hindsight, I'm really glad we didn't wait.
"We've changed. We've grown apart. We're not in love with each other any more."
“She is just not the person I married. She’s changed.”
“I just seem to attract losers. I wonder if that will ever change.”
Change Not Always Predictable, but Inevitable
Change is a part of life. We may talk about change being difficult or challenging, but the fact is that we’re always in the process of flux. Bodies age. Values mature. Interests expand. Judgments harden. Attitudes soften. We’ve come to expect change in many aspects of life, but when it occurs too slowly, off schedule, or in a manner that doesn’t suit us, we balk or complain. When it’s catches us off guard, we’re unnerved. Even when we see it coming, we may flinch or resist.
In the last few weeks I’ve been asked more than once to comment on the behavior of famous athletes and politicians who have strayed beyond the bounds of their marriage into an extramarital affair. One frequently asked question involves whether or not people can really change that much, i.e., once a cheater, always a cheater? As a clinical psychologist and marital therapist I have worked with many cases of marital infidelity. Even in these situations where trust has been severely betrayed, I am almost always hopeful about change in human behavior. However, if we want to change ourselves or encourage change in someone we love, there are certain elements or principles of change we need to understand.
This is my life. I am the type of person who likes to make statements in the absolute, and I have therefore been forced to eat crow more times then not. It is starting to happen with such frequency that I fear by actually making a statement of something I am not going to "ever" do, I am actually opening the door for that situation to happen. Below is a sampling of things I have said over the year and the eventual outcome.
What’s the opposite of romance and passion? Anger, resentment, and unresolved conflict can diminish feelings of excitement and connection, but these aren’t the only—or perhaps the most common factors related to the demise of interest and excitement. More often than not couples let those loving feelings slip away by sliding into boredom through a natural human tendency for ritual and routine. Couples who want to keep the sparks between them alive and glowing need to break out of their comfortable rut and do something new. The problem is that creativity was much easier in the early days of your relationship when your love was fueled by the hormones of love. As love lengthens, greater energy may be required to keep passion burning.
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